Melody Bear's Shift Share

I was first aware of a consciousness shift in 1991. This is the year my father's mother died, then my mother's mother died, and on Oct 26, my mother died. I felt I had been set adrift on a vast ocean without an engine, or even a paddle. By choice, I lived far from my family of origin (with my then husband and 2 young daughters). There was a huge sense of responsibility now I was the female elder on my direct back-line (I still had aunties, but I didn't see them much, if ever). Out of this feeling of loss and uncertainty, I started actively looking for direction and purpose. I became aware that I had lost connection with my body, except for pain of all kinds that I stoically endured; and was living almost entirely in my head, but could not meditate because of the constant monologue of my conscious mind, going over and over conversations and situations, and everything I had done or said wrong, leading to great sadness and despair. When I looked directly at myself - what a mess!

I sought out help in a range of courses, drawn to those emphasizing bodywork :  TaiChi, natural dance, psychophysical exercise, and those using visualizations and past life regressions. I got divorced. My daughters moved to other cities, following my example (I think of my family as being spring-loaded seeds, like those of the violet, that shoot off into the distance, a long way from the parent plant, to colonize new places). I committed to being a musician and performing my songs in public. I joined a shaman drum circle and learnt how to shift energy and heal with sound. I did Vision Quest, slowed down and connected to the cycles of nature. I perservered with meditation, spending hours and weeks and years bringing my mind back from its ramblings, till I could focus and do visualizations and journeywork, as I always had wanted, but been unable to do because of an inability to still my mind and focus on that stillness. My body stopped hurting and so did my mind. At last, I feel I belong to the human race.

I have to admit that in the past I often envied those whose consciousness shifted spontaneously, when I have had to consciously want and will and work for every little bit of shift I've had. But now I value my experience and my gift for analysing and understanding everything I do (I used to see this as a curse, but it is a gift). I can share my experiences, and my processes, and guide others because of this hyper-awareness.

For the last few years, my project has been to reconnect with my family and the many other people I have been leaving behind each time I move on to something new. I want to simultaneously reach out to new people, and reconnect with those I used to know.